Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Tanya Writes About Bumper Stickers

My hero and I are getting in shape. He's put on some of the pounds chemo took off, and me, well, I've pretty much bypassed my digestive system with the chocolate chip cookies and accumulated them directly on my rear.

So...we're in exercise mode. Hence, beautiful new bicycles from REI...comfy walking shoes. An exercycle in the writing room so I don't forget.

And as I ride my new bike around the streets in my little corner of the world, ruminating on important things like autumn breeze and kids walking home from junior high, I find my eyes zeroing in like tractor beams on the bumper stickers stuck to the bumpers of the cars parked along the curbs.

Hmmmm. I have concluded the following. My neighborhood must have the world's greatest concentration of magnificent school-age children. My Child is Student of the Month. My Son is Student of the Trimester. All Students Are Students of the Month at XYZ School. My Daughter Made the Honor Roll. Et al, infinitum.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm a proud parent, too. They were both National Honor Society, got scholarships and one was cum laude. And I got bumper stickers too in those days. But ours were peel-off. They didn't affix for life.

So now that 47% of the voters get to scrape off McCain-Palin 08 stickers, I decided to see what other bumper adornments make the grade.

Here are a few I found in my research. (I'll pick and choose a few from farther along in the alphabet some other time.)

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

All men are animals, some just make better pets.

All men are idiots, and I married their King.

Always try to be modest, and be damn proud of it!

Always use tasteful words. You may have to eat them.

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Born again pagan.

Born free...Taxed to death.

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Condoms are easier to change than diapers.

Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

Exxon Suxx.

God must love stupid people, he made so many.

Got brains?

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.

Heart attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends.

He who dies with the most toys wins.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

My personal fave?

Exxon Suxx.

Because it does.

How about you? What stick-on witticisms tickle your fancy or...decorate your car?

1 comment:

Helen Hardt said...

I have to admit, I normally don't like bumper stickers, but...I have the honor student one on my mini-van!

Yes, we love to toot our kids' horns, don't we?