Monday, July 28, 2008

Tanya Writes About Marrying Minda ~my new BOOK

Yee haw. For all of you who've visited my website to read the opening chapter of my contest-winning western historical romance, Marrying Minda, I'm delighted to say that she's found a publishing home: The Cactus Rose western historical line at The Wild Rose Press.

I just found out the exhiliarating news and am beyond giddy. This is a true story of the heart, situated in one of my favorite parts of the world --Northeastern Nebraska, set in a time period I particularly like (1870's), and featuring a whole slew of characters named for folks I love.

I'll be meeting the editor at the RWA Convention in San Francisco...I fly to the Bay Area on Wednesday. But back here at the homestead, I've got contracts to sign, cover-design to suggest, art facts, promo and biography to submit. My hero just took a new headshot. Then it's packing, trimming my rose bushes, and keeping my pup "Morley" comfy. She's got her ultrasound/biopsy on Friday. So even in my joy, I've got her in the back of my mind.

So...this will be my last post for a while, with all of the above going on. But my next post is well-worth waiting for. A real-life down home Texas cowboy who'd make the perfect paperback romance cover model!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Tanya Writes About RWA Literacy Signing

For anyone attending the National RWA Conference in SF --

Win a $100 Visa Gift Card, all ye RWA attendees!

My wonderful Orange County Chapter/RWA is sponsoring a fun game at the Literacy
Signing at the RWA national convention in San Francisco on Wednesday night, July 30th!

Look for an OCC member passing out Bingo-type game cards with the names
of 30 OCC/RWA authors who are signing that night. (They will have a
tent-card with a big orange on it!) Get at least 15 signatures plus the
title of their next book, write your email address on the card and drop
it at the OCC Hospitality Suite. A winner will be drawn after the
conference and notified by email.

Say hello to your favorite authors! Meet new authors! No obligation to
buy! (But, of course, feel free to do so!) It's a fantastic cause--literacy.

I have a ton of buddies signing, and I'll be there helping set up and clean up. So look for me, okay?

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Tanya Writes About The Luv Wranglers

There's cowboy heroes in them thar hills near my homestead. Buckaroos from the past building highways, and present-day hotties who wrangle beeves not far from a bustlin' freeway.

We call that wild bunch The Luv Wranglers.

My homeland, Ventura County CA abuts packed, frantic Los Angeles to the southeast, but you'd never know it. Ventura County is full of western lore and rural flavor. There aren't many places in Southern California where you can see the beach, suburbs, strawberry fields and avocado groves, foothills and the Topa Topa mountains in one fell swoop. Our own little cul-de-sac used to be a lettuce field, and it isn't unusual to share a busy street with a tractor.

To the northwest a little deeper into the hills, hearty Western men more than a century ago drove stagecoaches across a "turnpike" built by Chinese laborers and now called San Marcos Pass. They'd pause long enough at Cold Spring Tavern to change horses and let their passengers catch some grub. The structure, built in the 1860s, exists today and serves the best chili burger ever. Every time I need a Western fix, my hubby takes me out to lunch there. Antique Franklin stoves warm us up, and there really is a cold spring tumbling nearby. (That's it in the picture!)

But my real deal today are three real-life, real-time heroes, cowboys who wrangle cattle in the foothills. Brad, Rich, and Tucker.

Now how about those for tailor-made cowboy names? Just how did they get their soubriquet: the Luv Wranglers?

Well, my friend, reporter, Kim Gregory Lamb, features their down-home wisdom in a Dear Abby format every once in a while in our local paper, The Ventura County Star. Kim has kindly let me share some things local inquiring minds presented to the Luv Wranglers not long ago:

Dear Luv Wranglers : What's one thing that a woman does that's guaranteed to tick you off?

Tucker: Bein' late. I hate that.

Brad: They're always late.

Rich: They gotta change their clothes eight times.

Dear Luv Wranglers : Why don't you guys ever put the seat down?

Tucker: When I gotta use the bathroom, most of the time I just walk right outside. We don't have no neighbors.

Brad: I don't even git off my horse anymore.

Rich: Men never go to use the outhouse on a ranch. 'Course, it backfires on you when yer kids drop their drawers in the parkin' lot.

Dear Luv Wranglers: When do you think it's appropriate to bring or send flowers?

Rich: When somebody dies.

Brad: When you're in trouble. I've sent an awful lot of flowers. My florist and I sent two of his kids to college.

When the 78th Annual Academy Awards rolled best flick nominee Brokeback Mountain down the red carpet, the Luv Wranglers had plenty to say, as you can well imagine.

Q: Will you be watching the Oscars?

Brad: What's that?

Tucker: I didn't even know they were on TV.

Rich: I had a dog named Oscar once.

Brad: Oscar's on "Sesame Street.

Rich: He was a good dog.

Q: Have any of you seen the cowboy flick and best picture nominee, Brokeback Mountain?"

Rich: I was happy to hear those guys were not cattle ranchers. They were sheep farmers.

Brad: We all know about sheep farmers.

Q: The shirts worn by the two lead actors in Brokeback Mountain commanded $101,100.51 from a collector. What do you think of that?

Rich: I'll sell 'em every shirt in my closet for $500 apiece.

Q: If you could choose one Hollywood movie actor to play you in the story of your life as a cowboy, who would you choose?

Brad: Mel Gibson. We have a lot in common.

Rich: I'd pick the only actor in Hollywood who still has morals and integrity: SpongeBob SquarePants.

When Valentine's Day came around, Kim trusted her instincts and asked the Luv Wranglers to ride in from the range to help all the local tenderfoots rustle up some romance for their guys and gals. Here's a bit of Valentine's Day advice our favorite cowboys, dished up at Rich's dining room table over Cheez-Its and beer.

Q: What do you think of Valentine's Day?

Rich: I thought Valentine's Day was a take 'n' bake pizza place down on Seaward Boulevard.

Brad: That's Valentino's.

Tucker: Every day, a man screws up, so Valentine's Day is to fix all the screw-ups you do all year.

Q: What was the most romantic thing you've ever done on Valentine's Day?

Brad: Showed up.

Q: What presents should you give a woman for Valentine's Day?

Rich: As a cattleman, I'd say a cross-bred gift: a cross between what she wants and what she gits.

Tucker: Git roses. If you git 'em, like, the night before, you can hide 'em in yer truck.

Brad: I'd hide the roses in the kitchen cuz she'll never look there.

Q: What special rodeo tricks should you master for Valentine's Day?

Rich: We're not sure, but there will be ropes involved.

Tucker: I wonder why Rich doesn't have a date.

Q: If your relationship is shaky and you've been thinking about cutting it off, what do you do about Valentine's Day?

Brad: Work late.

Tucker: If it's shaky and you're gonna dump her anyway, might as well dump her on Valentine's Day. She'll never fergit you.

Rich: I can't even remember last Valentine's Day.

# # #

Their spurs jingled as Rich, Brad and Tucker clumped across a wooden porch in dusty boots after a recent day of cattle-roping.

They settled in chairs on Rich's back porch, which overlooks the Ventura backcountry, and prepared to wax poetic for Kim's latest installment for the Star. Since not one of them has a lick of book-learning about psychology and such, they tapped their common sense and a 12-pack of Coors Light for answers.

Dear Luv Wranglers: What's the difference between the care and feeding of a regular guy as opposed to a cowboy?

Brad: Regular guys are health-conscious. We need carbs.

Brad again: If we put gel in our hair and put on an Abercrombie shirt, we'd just look like every other guy.

Dear Luv Wranglers: Why do guys stay with women who treat them really bad? Do they just like the chase or what's the deal, when there's women (who) want to treat them great?

Tucker: Sometimes guys don't know how to get out of it. They don't know how to whip 'n' spur fast enough.

Rich: Guys always want what's not good for 'em. Like mashed potatoes, chicken-fried steak and gravy.

Dear Luv Wranglers: Women in 40-up category find men of similar age tend to gravitate to much younger women, when like-age women have lots of experience and like themselves much more. Why, guys? Is it the midlife-crisis thing or what'"

(This question came from a group of women from the Red Hat Society that had just attended "Menopause the Musical," which also was made known to the Luv Wranglers .

"What the heck is menopause?" Tucker asked.

"Never mind," Brad warned.

Tucker looked from Brad to Rich and back to Brad, who sighed and answered: "It's when women git crazy in middle age," he said. "It's like when men have a midlife crisis."

"It's why we hardly ever ride mares," Rich added.

As for why older men tend to chase younger women, Brad took a swig of Coors and trained a grin on Rich. "It makes 'em feel younger; that right, Rich?" he said.

Rich grinned back. "It's cuz you can afford 'em," he explained.

Well, I hope you enjoyed Ventura County’s local buckaroos. I consider myself one sure-fire lucky Star subscriber who can't wait for Kim's next installment.
Now, what questions would you like to fire off to the Luv Wranglers?

Let me know!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Tanya Writes About "Morley"

"Morley"...well, this entry is another kind of serious one. Morley is what our toddler grandson calls Marley, our girl black Lab. She's ten and a half but has never outgrown her puppyhood, and that little boy loves running to her and throwing his arms around her. I don't think it'll be long before he realizes he can ride her like a pony.

If she makes it, that is. Totally normal last Saturday night, she started the week not eating. X-rays show something wrong with a kidney and a suspicious lump in her neck. There will be more tests.

But we've drawn the line at exploratory surgery, at her age. If ultrasounds don't look good, then we'll decide the next course.

I alternate between tears and great hope. She ate a bit tonight. But my hero tries to prepare me, as well.

But hey. We've seen one great miracle this year! It's not out of line for me to believe in another.

Is it?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Tanya Writes About the Marrying Minda Trivia Contest

Yee-haw. The cowboy in me (make that cowgirl, I guess) is holding a contest to celebrate my first-place win in the San Antonio Romance Authors' Merritt "Magic Moment" Contest for my historical Western romance, Marrying Minda.

Check out my website for the excerpt and e-mail me the answers to the five trivia questions below.

One name will be drawn randomly on July 31 from those who get all five answers right.

Come on. It's easy. And the reward is great: there's a ten-dollar Starbuck's gift card waiting for the winner.

Here goes:
1. Where does the story take place and when?
2. What's the name of Minda's intended bridegroom?
3. What's she wearing when she comes to town?
4. Who is Priscilla?
5. What color are Minda's eyes?

Come on! Play with me!

P.s. The picture was taken in Lake Tahoe the end of May. was like Christmas and had been 80 degrees just days before. Wow.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Tanya Writes About Ten Reasons You Know You're a Writer (Thank you, Kate Bridges)

Here's something purely delish from my cyber-pal and soon-to-be-met-in-the-flesh, Western romance author Kate Bridges, who posted this on my current internet addition, Petticoats and Pistols.

I just couldn't resist passing it along.

You Know You’re a Writer When…

by Kate Bridges

Have you ever tried to explain to your friends or significant other the headache of yet another revision, or dilemma of three main characters whose names all start with F? Getting through the daily writing grind takes energy, hard work and a sense of humor. You know you’re cursed—blessed—to be a lifelong writer if the following signs apply to you…

10) You’re breathless at the sight of your thesaurus.

9) Even brochures in the doctor’s office are interesting research to you now. “How to Manage Bunions.”

8 ) You love or hate movies on a whole new level.

7) Your partner wants to give you an extra special birthday present. You get the choice of a romantic dinner and night out on the town, or to upgrade the hard drive on your computer. You choose the hard drive and a sandwich.

6) Those painful childhood memories are suddenly very valuable. You wish you had more painful memories to draw upon.

5) You spend more time deciding on the names of your characters than you did on your own children.

4) You look forward to once-a-week grocery shopping for the social interaction.

3) When you enter the home of a new acquaintance, you feel strangely suspicious if there are no books in sight.

2) You enjoy starting hypothetical arguments with your partner—the ‘what if’ scenarios. “If I died tomorrow, how soon would you begin dating someone new?”

1) You’re thrilled to discover the word ‘infection’ was in use in 1875?

If you're reading this (Sounds like one of my favorite Tim McGraw songs...), go visit Kate and congratulate her!

More soon...

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Tanya Writes About Winning First Place (Twice!)

Oh, goody. My manuscript, Marrying Minda, has placed FIRST in the Historical Division of two well-respected fiction contests! I just now received the certificate for the 2008 Merritt "Magic Moment" Contest sponsored ty SARA, the San Antonio Romance Authors.

As soon as my hero and I get the new scanner-printer gizmo we've been talking about, I'll post a pic of my award. Tomorrow I'll get a neat frame, so it can join the certificate "Minda" got for placing first (with perfect scores!) in the Central Ohio Fiction Writers "Ignite the Flame" Contest. you get the picture? Magic Moment? Ignite the flame? Do you suppose that Minda and the hero--Brixton Haynes--kinda heat up the pages from the get-go even though they're too stubborn to admit it?

Well, you just might not admit such a thing if you were Minda...a proper mail order bride hitching up with the handsome man whose kisses melt her toes.

Only to find out he's the wrong bridegroom.

And any guy might be as pissed off as Brixton, a point rider on the Good Night Loving Cattle Trail eager to get back to the wide-open spaces and endless skies of Texas.

Only he's now saddled with a bride he doesn't want.

Or does he? Hmmmmmmm. Well, she is a hottie.

And suffice it to say, he is hunky cover model material.

To read the opening chapter of this dual award-winner, visit my website,

I'll be holding a contest soon to celebrate, so don't be a stranger!

At this time, I've got an editor interested in the story, the "full" as they say in the industry. So wish me luck. It's scary...while I hope she loves it, she just might not. Or she might have her quota of Westerns for now.

Or she might feel it needs a ton of revision.

Or whatever. Any of the foibles of publishing can happen, and probably will. Even though I write and read romances without stopping, I am a realist. It's a dang tough business.

But nobody can deny that those certificates look lovely on my wall!

Thanks, SARA. Thanks, COFW!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Tanya Writes About the House that Ruth Built

I've got to admit it. I was stirred last night. Shaken. Shivering and teary. And all because of the festivities in New York for the All-star Game. And I even watched all 15 innings...

Why? I'm not a sports addict although three sport movies have made it into my Top Ten Favorites: Hoosiers, Rudy, and Remember The Titans. And I love Angel baseball and Trojan Football. (Fight on!)

My hero is the sports nut. And so is my brother-in-law. So when the guys heard The House That Ruth Built was meeting its maker this summer, they had to go to a game. My amazing sister-in-law Roberta (you can leave off the in-law part; I never had birth sisters because Roberta was soooo worth waiting for!) planned a jaunt for us four to New York City to celebrate my hero's recovery and to do Yankee stuff.

Oh my.

The Tour of Yankee Stadium was beyond my wildest imagination. Standing in the outfield looking toward Home. Trying to memorize every inch of Monument Park. Hearing in my head Lou Gehrig's 'I'm the Luckiest Man Alive' speech.

(I kept calling it Monument Valley to my hero's affectionate disgust.)

Press Box and Bases and Ground Crew, oh my.

It got even better the next night when we attended an actual game. I got to see Johnny Damon play. Yummo. Now, I know this is heresy to admit: I like both the Sox and the Yankees, and he's kinda a traitor back in Boston where, last October, we got to see the Sox beat our beloved Angels in the bottom of the ninth at Fenway during our leaf-peeper trip. But wow, the cheers. The Green Monstah. The "Sweet Caroline," The clam chowder...a night to remember.

Well, our seats in The House were set at a 89 degree slope, but I, pretty in my pink Yankee ballcap, didn't care a whit...And I just can't believe they're ripping The House down. Its replacement is already right next door. There were dozens of hard-hat hotties building away. But still. Nobody ever suggests ripping down the Tower of London and building a newer version.

Oh my. There just isn't anything to compare with emerging from the B Train at 161st Street and seeing It: The House that Ruth Built.

Even I got chills. Still get 'em.

So last night, watching all the Midtown celebrating, the aerial views of Central Park, the all-stars and the old-stars put me into a real Wow mode.

It just about brought down the house.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Tanya Writes About the Ugly Thing Again

Cancer. That's the ugly thing. Since I initially started this blog to promote a romance novel, I've been trying to get it back to its roots. But sometimes, real life intrudes.

Not for me, not for us, thankfully. Normal is the buzzword these days. But there are so many others out there who have started to live the nightmare, to take that journey down a difficult road.

The T.C. loop just featured a response from Eric Shandeau, the Olympic swimmer just diagnosed with testicular cancer, who's putting off his surgery and treatment against doctors advice so he can perform in Beijing. Some of the loop guys feel he's made a foolish decision to gamble with his life; others figure cancer takes away such personal control that Eric at least can reach for a dream in his own way. They ask, but can he be a good spokesperson, later on, if he's let something else take precedence over his health, his downright survival?

The loop has also had a discussion lately, about lyrics in a Brad Paisley song. It's a cute one. His girl sees a deer and thinkgs Bambi; he sees antlers on his wall. He complains about guys getting facials and manicures because, at least he's "still got a pair."

Some took offense at that, as if the I/O (inguial orchiectomy or, testical removal) leaving them one short makes any kind of difference to masculinity. I chimed in. I said my hero and I are a we and us, and it doesn't matter, one or two. Everything's still good. He's still him. But the discussion continues.

Then another guy on the loop struggls with an idiotic insurance company. He's got to come up with $10,000 just to start treatment.

Here at home, we had a neighborhood hoe-down for the fourth of July. Oh I was in heaven, wearing the cowboy hat I just got in Lake Tahoe, judging the chili cook-off. My hero had a righteous time. Until Ben ~ who didn't yet know about my hero's journey~ confided that his 21-year-old son had an I/O July 3 and was awaiting the results of his CT scan and biopsy.

So I wear my yellow bracelet and volunteered to collect from my cul-de-sac for the American Cancer Society. I added Lance Armstrong to MySpace. And I pray.

Today I gave my hero his first haircut! He's keeping it short, so we got a new-style shaver called a Short Cut. It's impossible for me to make a mistake. And now it's bedtime.

Time to hit my knees.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Tanya Writes About her Friend, award-winning author Charlene Sands

Well, today I've got to tell you about another hero of mine. Make that heroine. Charlene Sands, best-selling author at both Harlequin Historical and Silhouette Desire.

In the former, she writes yummy romances about Western heroes of ranchers, delicious bounty hunters and killer sheriffs. And her contemp heroes for Desire are always cowboys. Even as they don the modern guise of oilman or mogul, they've wearing their Stetsons and are no stranger to horseback in addition to their sportscars.

Charlene has been an inspiration to me both as author and as friend. A while back, after years of reading romance novels, I aspired to write one. But the publishing world was such an unknown, vast universe. When I found that the national foundation Romance Writers of America had a local chapter, I figured I ought to join...

But that first meeting was a tough one for me. First off, the location is a good two hours from home, and I'm not that confident of a driver. Then there was the aspect of walking into a convention room filled with hundreds of strangers. (That chapter is one of the country's biggest, most active, and most influential.)

But my hero badgered me until one day, I made it there, swallowed my nerves...and met Charlene. Adoring her is not hard; she's friendly and charming and made me feel at ease right away.

Better yet, we found out we don't live all that far apart! Friendship was easy. Our hubbies get along. And when she offered to help critique my work, well, I couldn't resist.

So it is with pleasure that I send along some news from Charlene's latest newsletter.
I hope you'll visit her website and tell her I sent you there! And don't forget to enter her "Summer and Sands" contest.

Her new Desire Mini-Series launches in August with Five-Star Cowboy. The book is already getting a warm reception --and excellent reviews.

Here's just a few quick snippets of reviews:

4 1/2 Stars **** Romantic Times Book Reviews

Five-Star Cowboy has a surprise coming when Julia strikes a purely professional tone, especially after finding out that he sabotaged one of her potential account to get her out there.Trent is delightfully clueless and Julia is tough enough to teach him a lesson in Charlene Sands' terrific and steamy romance.

Charlene Sands does a good job of making these characters a bit hard-headed so that their relationship has even a bit more oomph. FIVE-STAR COWBOY is a spicy and enjoyable romance. Julia and Trent make you believe in happily-ever-after.

Romance Junkies

Series books are so much fun to read when the author allows us to visit with past friends from other books. Charlene Sands did this in Five Star Cowboy to the benefit of the story. Trent had a lot of learn and Julia was just the one to teach him. Creative and capable, she was also the one to bring his hotel into five star status with her marketing ideas. Superb romance reading highlight Five Star Cowboy with its twist and turns. Charlene Sands continues to deliver satisfaction for her readers.

** ** ** ** **

The end of this month, I'll be joining Charlene at the annual national RWA convention in gorgeous San Francisco. She'll be autographing her books at the Literacy Book Signing where more than 400 romance authors convene to sign their books. All proceeds go to promote literacy in the U.S.!

And I'll be there rooting for her at the Bookseller's Best Award Ceremony. Charlene's a double finalist with Fortune's Vengeful Groom and Bodine's Bounty. Wish her luck!

As if that's not enough to keep a busy author breathless, Charlene's participating in a Harlequin Author Forum, and Saturday she'll be on a panel called Romancing the Internet and speaking about her blogging experiences on Petticoats and Pistols.

Since is one of my favorite internet addictions, I'll be in the autience for sure!

Well, I've been so happy to introduce Charlene Sands to you. Don't be a stranger!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Tanya Writes About Love

Oh, it exists. As a romance reader and writer, I know it is so true. I've been my hero's heroine (or so I hope LOL) for more than three decades, and the two kids he gave me have the sources of so much love and laughter it almost isn't fair.

But it is the grandbaby that weakens my knees, warms my heart, and promises my future. He spent the last two days with us and what fun it was...although the beach wasn't as big a hit as we'd hoped. The sand seemed to tickle his feet too much, the waves seemed too large and noisy. But he loved the big seagulls and dogs running by with their owners. Sitting on a towel, he had a good time with his gramma, making sand starfish and lobsters and fishies with the beachtoys she found at the dollar store.

Last night, he woke up fussy so guess where he spent the remaining hours until dawn? (Yes he is an early riser.) Well, in bed with gramma and grampa. Where else? He has little names for us now although they're impossible to spell.

But it's him living life with his grampa that is my well of inspiration now. There's a new twinkle in my hero's eyes these days. It's both the little guy and the victory over T.C. Life has never been sweeter. Those days of darkness and pain in this blog and the daily journel I scribble in seem more nightmarish than ever when I gather the courage to re-read my words.

It's just a ton easier to read a lovely romance novel. Or to pound away on the keyboard keys as I try to write one.

Seeing my guys together is the dearest reality now. The three generations. My hero, my son, and my grandson.

The personification of all our tomorrows.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Tanya Writes About Television

I love the even keel. I don't like wrinkles in time or crimps in my routine. Just normal, normal, normal.

Well, as you know, those T.C. months were anything but! Now that the regular schedule is pretty much back, we're taking care of little "businesses" that had been put on hold: getting new cell phones, either upholstering a favorite chair or replacing it, deciding between Dish Network or sticking with our ridiculous cable service.

After spending an hour on the phone with Time Warner, I selected the "bundles" of channels that we wanted and rid us of the dozens more we never watched. But it's the networks themselves that need a spanking. In the last few years, I've had four shows I love and never missed, even before DVR, vanish into the netherworld.

Two are British. No surprise. I am Anglophile at heart and love London almost best of all. My heart broke that the public broadcast channel just cancelled the classic soap, EastEnders! I can't imagine what I'll do, waiting for Jamie and Sonya to get together. To watch the evil Trevor and the villainous Phil get what they deserve. To wonder why everybody's stuck in crummy Albert Square when the Tube can get you anyplace in London in minutes...

(Fortunately, I found a website to bring me up to date...and an e-newsletter subscription, too.)

Then there's Midsomer Murders. Detective Inspector Barnaby never wore rubber gloves when examining anything, but he always found the killer and the villages in this shire were to die-for. Although kinda scary places to live, despite their charm, with so much slaughter taking place.

Here in America, Men in Trees got cancelled. OMG. Every guy in that show was full of potential. But most of all I miss Dr. Quinn, the medicine woman forced off into the sunset when Hallmark cancelled the reruns. At least I've been able to get my authentic Western fix at the ranch where the show was filled.

What's left? Well, as a dog-nut, I'm a bit intrigued by the Great American Dog reality deal. And I still have Law & Order: Criminal Intent to comfort me. Bobby Goren knows everything, and Mike Logan (sigh) is, well, Big.

Gotta go. I think there's an L & O CI on right now.

(BTW, my new phone is something called a Juke. It was too cute to resist. And I still don't have a friggin' clue how to work the thing. It's not just a phone but a camera and an iPOD...and maybe more. Whew)

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Tanya Writes About Male Depression

I thought I'd lighten up for a change and borrow this hilarity from my writer buddy Mary Connealy's post at

For more fun, check out her books Petticoat Ranch and Calico Canyon and visit her at

Thanks, Mary. Congratulations on your new book, Calico Canyon!)


Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about Tanks (Sherman? Tiger? T70?).
A five-day vacation only requires one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Your underwear is $5.95 for a three-pack.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles on your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades even.
You only have to shave your face and neck (or head)
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your leg looks.
You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in just 25 minutes.